Leadership conversations: how to find a voice for those who don't have one

In the third of our leadership conversations, we’re talking to Aysha Randera who works in women’s development at the Friendship café in Gloucester. She has been successfully designing and implementing ways to give the unrepresented a voice for a very long time both within the local inner city community and more widely, you could say her leadership journey started when she was 14yrs old. She is a participant on the Catalyst Leadership programme run by Create Gloucestershire and Nowhere.

I guess I am a leader!

Until recently I did not think of myself as a leader. I know that I see where there is a need and I initiate and implement ways to address those needs. I challenge accepted thinking. I know how to work with others to move organisations forward. I try to be mindful of sensitivities, and often find ways to overcome barriers. Given all of that it might seem strange to say that until recently, I have tended to think of myself as an enabler. I can see now that I am a leader.

I think of a leader as someone who is adaptable, accepting (of different types of people) non-judgemental and organised. I say this because, actually, I am not very organised but I realise it really helps so I’m getting better! Also believe in what you want to get done – and stop apologising for mistakes. We all make them when we’re trying to achieve anything new so it’s just part of the process.

Giving a voice to those who don’t have one

I have always felt strongly about representing the under-represented. And more than that I am not afraid to challenge thinking that builds barriers. As a 14yr old I organised a fundraising disco for AIDs (this was the mid-80s when a lot of bias existed). The teachers weren’t very supportive, but with my peers I made it happen anyway.

I went on to be Head Girl at school but at the time in my community, further education or University was not an option in those days for many of us. Women were expected to assume the role of homemaker, and to marry the person selected for you. Conversations were limited around choice and most women followed tradition and the wishes of their parents.

At 19 years old I found myself divorced, with a young baby. I had to grow up fast! I felt very much that this situation was not a failure of a couple, but my failure. This spurred me on to do something to help young women to have the confidence to have a conversation about their futures with their families.

I met Denise, a youth worker at Glos Youth Service, and she supported me to set up a youth group with GCC. A young divorced Muslim girl with a baby meeting with young girls….. Can you see the issues? I’m sure people were wondering ‘Is this the right kind of influence for our young women?’

I visited people at home so I could explain what I wanted to do in the group. This helped me to gain trust and confidence with the young women’s mother’s. Looking back, I was making a connection so that I could break down the barriers in order to help make a change to mindsets and open conversations. This is a skill that has run right through my work.

“This programme gave young women the chance to have some fun and built confidence to broaden their horizons.”

Whether that was to have a conversation with their parents about marriage or to go travelling. It just opened their eyes to more choice.

Build the opportunities that arise

Not long after that I also started fostering – I wanted more of my own children but hadn’t met anyone at the time so I decided to offer myself and my home for foster children. I was recruited to look after any BAME children in Gloucester that needed fostering but that never happened. All the children I fostered were white! Looking back I realise this really taught me a lot about understanding and tolerance. For example one of the children I was looking after really was looking forward to Christmas. Although we wouldn’t normally celebrate Christmas at home we did a few things for this little boy because it really mattered to him. We decorated his bedroom and bought a little Christmas tree which really made him happy. Then my sister in law and I made a fantastic Christmas Day breakfast.

“I realised you can have a common humanity with another person and respond to their needs without having to loose our own faith or culture.”

I found a new understanding and tolerance and acceptance. I also realised these small things we do with each other and for each other can have a very long lasting impact.

For a few years I was fostering and also rearing my own children but as soon as I could I wanted to do more. It was just after 911, when there was a lot of prejudice and misunderstanding around. There was next to nothing available that was women only. So I set up and ran a women’s only mother and baby group where women could feel safe to remove their face coverings.

Setting up a Day centre for elderly women and women with disabilities was the next step, with only 6 women at the beginning. I set up a day centre where women could come, meet, eat, try out new activities and have each other’s support. The same women become my support and encouragement to keep at it. Hearing their stories of challenge, and survival were I think key in shaping my future. Enabling all sections of the community to have a voice. I remember saying goodbye with a very special sense of achievement and 28 women in the group.

After some time away, I applied for another job at the Friendship. I didn’t get the job but following my interview, Haroon, who is on the management committee and who interviewed me, rang me and offered me something else I was more suited to. It was only 5 hours per week but it was a start! That gave me the foothold I needed to create opportunities for supporting women.

Those 5 hours soon became many voluntary hours every week.

Challenging mindsets

Times have changed and the Friendship café in Gloucester has transformed in the years that I have worked here. This is an organisation that was led by an all-male management team, but now employs a fair number of women and also has women on the management team. We continue to be a work in progress but I feel we are now a more representative of the people that work here and use the centre.

We welcome people from all backgrounds whereas years ago it was seen as a predominantly BAME organisation. Many issues people have are often the same regardless of where you come from!

Women from the Muslim community will often have additional needs that need to be considered like women only functions, classes, walks, etc…

Everyone needs support

Throughout my journey there has always been someone with an open mind who has given me a chance to develop my ideas and address the need that I identified. I have had the ideas and they have given me a place or a platform to make it happen. At the Friendship café the co-ordinator Imran and the management committee supported me in bringing my insight into the organisation so that we could create a more diverse organisation. Way back when I was 19yrs old it was Denise Tate ( a youth worker at Glos Youth Service) who gave me the support to set up the young women’s Youth Group. More recently it has been Emma. (Willis - see the video to find out more about the collaboration with Emma to create the sewing studio.)

I am sure my interest in community comes from my parent’s who were very active in bringing people together.

Nowadays, I am able to support other women in the same way by supporting them in their ambitions whether that’s by organising training courses or informal mentoring.

Sharing responsibility brings benefits

The biggest shift in my development came a few years ago, when I learned to let go, not to have a need to do everything myself.

“These days I share my ideas and let others run with it - I have learned how to hand over responsibility to others and that it’s OK! It still works.”

As part of my catalyst journey I realised that I had a tendency to over-work – I always worked loads more hours than I should and didn’t manage my energy very well. Recently, I have really focussed on sharing the load and it has had quite an amazing affect. I have managed my energy better but also realised that by sharing some responsibilities with others they get to make a bigger contribution and feel more valued too. For example I’m good at speaking but not so good at the written word – it doesn’t come easy to me. One of the young women on the kimono project took on the role of writing up instructions for everyone. She was great at it and I really appreciated her skills.

What’s next?

As part of the catalyst programme each of the participants is designing a project in the community. Mine is a colab with Strike a light and the Friendship is supporting the artist Halima Malek. We’ll be working in the community in Barton & Tredworth and combining my love of creative textiles with her poetry. I’m not sure where we’ll be showing the work yet – so much is up in the air with covid – what I can tell you is it will be sometime in November and I’m really excited to be involved and bring my new catalytic skills to the process!

A short video giving a glimpse of the different aspects of work that the Friendship Cafe is involved in. The Friendship Cafe is a registered charity based in...